So this is blogging

"I could never do this on a regular basis" I recall myself saying when I started this blog TWO years ago. LOL. Story of my life. I get so excited for something and when the novelty wears off- it's forgotten.

*sigh* A lot has happened to me over the last 2 years - its hard to sum it all up.

Getting older is interesting. Mind you - I am NOT OLD. It's just that the days go by quicker and health isn't the greatest. But - that's mind over matter isn't it? Pretty much most of 2009 has been a health roller coaster for me. I discovered that I suffer from anxiety/panic attacks. In the beginning, it honestly felt as if I were having a heart attack. It's truly a horrific feeling, but as time went on, I learned that anxiety/stress was the culprit of my "heart attack". I was scared and angry. I thought- why is this happening to me. I felt alone, but soon discovered that many people I know suffer from the same issues. Sadly, though, worse than me. As time went on my treatments were a combo of talk therapy and drugs. Let me just say for the record- I fought the drugs tooth and nail. I wanted no part of it, but as my doctor said during one exam 'Rachel, I feel the pain inside you. You need this.' Well, darn it all, he was right. I have him & my therapist for showing me the tools & techniques on how to handle future attacks, which I have to say are far and few between. Thank God!

Aside from suffering from anxiety, I've other health issues--some of which are still being determined and some are being managed. But I'll be fine. I've been in pretty good spirits overall and I am fortunate to have awesome family & friends for support. What they say is true--what doesn't kill you, makes you stronger.

The holiday season is upon us...actually it's been around since JULY. I will never understand why why why the holidays have to be pushed earlier and earlier. Really people? Can't we just enjoy the seasons as they come. I think it's part the reason I'm so stressed because it seems like there's never enough time to do anything anymore and the stress of preparing for the holidays seems 10-fold. But, I'll make it through - as always.

Truth be told, Christmas is my favorite holiday. I have always enjoyed giving gifts to people. I take pride in choosing the right gift for those that matter in my life. Though money's tight, I'll figure out a way to make people smile - even with the smallest of gifts. To be honest, I truly don't need much. I want nothing in the way of materialistic things. Actually - I have what I have and I'm happy & most of all - thankful. I think about how much I have - really - A LOT. I start to wonder - do I need all this STUFF. No. I don't. I have to seriously look at my belongings and purge. I've been thinking about STUFF lately and how much stress I feel when I look at it all. I've been giving away quite a bit, but can give away so much more. I don't need everything. I am beginning to realize that it's just STUFF and the STUFF doesn't make me who I am. My problem is I place to much emotion or sentiment to my STUFF that it makes me hard to part with. I got that from my father-- sentimental pack rat. LOL.

So in the middle of preparing for the holidays, I will try to give myself a gift. A gift of simplicity and start living my life more fully. I know I can't tackle the STUFF all at once, but if I take a few moments out of each day, I can free myself of the STUFF that's stressing me out to make room for the STUFF that matters.

Well, that being said, I need to start my day. I hope for the best and will try not beat myself up for not doing EVERYTHING on the "To Do" list. I shall just start living.

Best,

Rachel